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How could I've known that everything you say are lies about devotion and desire
I know the spark inside your eyes was just the match i used to set myself on fire.

1.28.08.
These past two days have been non stop movement. Got last minute tickets to make my way to see Bayside && Straylight Run. The show was simply amazing. I expected better from Straylight Run but hey,what can you do right. Bayside was simply amazing as usual. Played some old, played some new, && even played some acoustic. I was accompanied with the infamous Dez. While we were there we met up with Britt && Alex. Small world right?

1.29.08
Nothing like manual labor to put hair on your chest. Cleaned my room for 6 hours. It started from my desk to my computer area then i decided to renovate my closet. Took a break to helped Britt shop at Ikea. They have there own map in there. I almost got lost a few times. Go figure right? 7:30 came around and i just finished cleaning my room. i was ready to relax but oh was i fooled.
Gabby && I made our way to Brooklyn to help Atom move his drum set out of his studio. Piece by piece we took apart the drum set and took it down two flights. That wasn't the part that totally sucked. It was using the vacuum that could not pick up anything. It would not pick up debris, but rather spread it around and make a bigger mess. It took us an hour to pick up everything by broom. The broom worked better on a rug then the vacuum. That's sad. The studio was awesome. Just corridors of doors that led to studio set. The doors all had crazy designs on them to signify the room number.It was all that jazz && even more. They had a lounge where you could smoke pot and cigarettes. They even had a vending machine where you could purchase beer. What more could you ask for. Seriously. It had a scent of cigarettes and old beer.
We finished cleaning and left the studio by 1:00 and made it home by 2:00. We made our way to Gabby's house to put Atom's drum set in her basement which took yet another hour. I finally settled in my house at 3:00. Exhausted. But you have to love those nites that don't end till late. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Survivor.

Last night i was lying in bed for at least an hour.
Thinking...
& personally I think that is the worst thing I can do. When I think I get way into thought about everything. I loose myself in my mind. Everything around me fades to black and i fall into a world all my own. As i laied in my bed and staired at the shadows from outside i thought about my life. How I love everything i have. How I miss everything i lost. I lost a few people along the way & misplaced a few personal prized possessions. But do toy remember when life was simple.
When all you knew was love and you were never bored. Dislike was never a feeling but more like something you saw on T.V. Growing up you learn who is worth your time & attention for a long period of time & who is worth it for that split second in life.

I was thinking about everything i have. The good, the bad and the ugly. I think about my life a lot to be honest. I cherish it. Life beautiful obstacle that i need to finish. I was never asked to be born and i wasn't asked tho live this life. If it was up to me i would be in Hollywood. But you need to make the best with what you have. I plan on leaving this world the same way i came in. Without a care.

I have pushed to live this life that i call my own. All i will say is that in one point in time was a 30% Survival Chance. I won't get into in unless you ask me but believe me it was not easy. So the words once spoken by some great man are true.
You don't know what you have till its gone.
I almost lost the one thing i had once chance to make right.
Life. The ablility to breath/feel/think/love/cry/
I have a voice just as much as you do and i need it to be heard. I may be young but I'm sure as hell not stupid. I have lived through heartache and broken bones. Death and rebirths. I have witnesses failures and accomplishes by myself and dearly loved others.

People cut me short. I feel like they never think i can give a helpful hand or im just stupid and i never know what i'm talking about. Those are the people I don't associate with. I may not be book smart but throw me on the streets and ill find my way home. Everyone makes a difference. Everyone has an opinion don't discourage because of your ignorance. Listen and understand because you are just like them. We are all on the same path to hell.

We all need to find redemption in the world so we can make it to the perily white gates or whatever you believe in. Some people find it sooner/faster/easier then other. But those are the people who never live. The people who Bleed Cry & sweat are the ones worth living for & the ones you want to see achieve there dreams the most.

IF YOU DONT HAVE DREAMS YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH.

One.

Ah. well i gotta def give it to Mr. Erik Rhodes for introducing me to this splendid site. It's time for me to begin to express my thoughts/feeling/memories.

Lately i been feeling more dead then alive. Personally I blame it on the weather. I'm just not a winter wonderland kinda guy. I need summer I need the noises in my ears. I need more movement and laughter and longer days. I would love to see heat waves rise from the black concrete streets. The cold kills me. Physically and mentally. It hurts to breath and i hate when my body shakes uncontrollably from the 15 degree nights.

I try to keep myself occupied and motivated as much as possible. Its pretty tough but i have to admit I do a pretty damn good job. I been working on a movie. Personally it has good potential to be America's next hit. or at least in the gay community.

I'm not really big into the gay community. i find it steriotypical. Gay pride parade and Amanda Lepore and musicals are about as gay as i can go. I'm all one for gay rights and equality but i think it's harder to prove a point when your wearing short shorts and have a pink tang top on.

Funny about this subject actually. I was going to Rutgers for A party for my friend Dez birthday. I decided to drive with this girl who i really didn't know, but i felt bad because she was going all by herself. I have a soft heart. Anyway first time meeting her. Maryanne was her name and she was a lesbian. She wasn't pom pom cheerleader pretty girl but she wasn't plaid wearing Mohawk lesbian. She was average homosexual. I would say a lot like me. Not Noticeably gay but questionable. We had such a good talked. we talked about the similarities and differences of being lesbian Vs being gay.

The point that I'm trying to prove is that when you think of the gay community most people would think skinny white blond hair lisp speaking Barbara Streisand loving Addicted to Rent and America's Next Top Model gay. When in reality Gay men and women act differently and are more complex then that.

Well kids I would love to write for hours but I feel like there is something i should be doing.